


Patterns

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-02
Updated: 2003-03-02
Packaged: 2019-05-15 22:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14799605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Sam sees a pattern





	Patterns

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Patterns**

**by:** J-Hy

**Character(s):** Josh, Sam  
**Pairing(s):**   
**Category(s):** Friendship  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** not mine - if they were, I’d drop a house on Amy.  
**Summary:** Sam sees a pattern  
**Author's Note:** I really love Mary Louise Parker. I really hate Amy. Guess which side won. 

Sam didn’t mean to eavesdrop. He was waiting on a response from three key Democrats - if they gave their support, the President was going ahead with proposed budget increases for the EPA. If they got the go-ahead, they could write it into the next round of campaign speeches. Toby was going quietly insane waiting for confirmation, and Sam had decided it would be safer for him to vacate the area. Checking to see where Josh was on negotiations was as good an excuse as any.

He approached Josh’s closed office door, expecting to here at best muffled arguing, at worst, full out yelling. So, yeah, he was planning to eavesdrop, but not maliciously.

When he got to the door, he heard not yelling but what almost sounded like pleading. That struck Sam as incredibly odd. In three years, he had never known Josh to resort to groveling - at least not to a member of Congress. It was totally opposite Josh’s style.

In fact, Sam thought, as he stood there, the only time he’d ever heard Josh plead with anyone was when he was with Mandy.

That was when Sam realized whom Josh was talking to.

Amy.

He sighed. It was happening again. This was Josh’s pattern. He met a woman and fell for her, hard. It was always the one woman who wasn’t entranced by him, who wasn’t impressed by his brain or swagger. Sam used to think it was because Josh liked the challenge, but that wasn’t it. Josh was a masochist. Not in the kinky, sick way, but in the "I don’t deserve real happiness, so I’m going to torture myself by getting in the same dead end relationship over and over again" way.

Sam had a reputation as a, well, a playboy of sorts. And it wasn’t entirely undeserved - although the whole Laurie situation had put a stop to his one-night stands.

Josh, on the other hand, had never been much of a, well, player for lack of a better term. That was something that surprised Sam. He seemed like the type of guy who would make women a hobby - something to do in the rare moments of boredom. But he wasn’t. In fact, most of the time he was so consumed by work that he ignored women Every now and then, he pulled his head out of his ass long enough to notice the opposite sex - and get his heart trampled.

Mandy was the worst. Everyone who watched that relationship saw how unhealthy it was. Mandy was brilliant. She was a PR whiz who could spin absolutely anything. She was also cold, calculating and ruthless. She used Josh, manipulated him for both personal and professional purposes. And Josh, being the incredibly difficult, arrogant person he was, managed to screw up every opportunity for romance by being himself. Still, he fell for her - why, Sam would never know. Sure, she was attractive, in a stuck-up, snotty, self-important kind of way. But she hated baseball, film, beer and flowers. More than that, she had a mean streak. So did Josh, but he reserved it for angry Republicans. Mandy was viscous to everyone, especially her lover.

Sam had the misfortune to walk in on one of their nastier fights. It was during the campaign, sometime after the convention, and they had just heard some pretty big poll results or something. He rushed into Josh’s hotel room in Texas just in time to hear Mandy yell, "Well, if I thought for a second that you were capable of loving anyone but yourself, I might be inclined to believe you. But if you think I could ever love someone like you, you’re a lot dumber than you look."

Sam was pretty sure he’d never forget the look on Josh’s face. He didn’t look angry. He just looked ... resigned. As if he knew Mandy was absolutely right and he deserved every word she threw at him.

Mandy exploited Josh. She knew where to hit him and hurt him the most. Sam snuck out before he was noticed that time, and an hour later Josh came to the Governor’s suite, jaw set, swagger in place. Three weeks later, he and Mandy broke up. But when she started at the White House, there was something there, something between them. For a while Sam was sure they were sleeping together and was forced to contemplate the possibility that they would get back together. That would have put him in a terrible position - either watch his best friend become whipped by the ice queen, or set him straight and tell him his girlfriend was a bitch.

That was the other thing - Josh had been there for Sam through his break-up with his fiancé, but Josh had never brought his problems to Sam. More of that guilt psyche, Sam figured, that wouldn’t allow Josh to admit when he needed someone.

Anyway, Sam never had to step in with Mandy. A group of white supremacists in Rosslyn took care of her. She didn’t even stick around long enough to see Josh get out of intensive care. No card, no phone call (not that Donna would have let it get through), nothing. For the best, Sam knew, but typically heartless.

To the best of Sam’s knowledge, Josh hadn’t been with anyone since before the shooting. First he was recovering, then he was having a mental breakdown, thanks to total lack of support from his friends and his total inability to ask for help. Sam still felt guilty about that.

Then there was the MS thing and Mrs. Landingham and tobacco - no one had time to sleep, let alone sleep with someone.

But now, all of a sudden, Sam saw the old patterns returning. Josh had stopped going out with "the gang," he had stopped keeping Donna late (well, too late), he had started wearing matching ties, for pete’s sake! And Sam knew why. Amy.

He couldn’t help but be embarrassed for Josh. Granted, it had been a long time and Josh never really was much of a ladies man, but the way he followed her around begging for a date was sad. Then, when he finally "got" her, he began acting like, well, like Josh-with-a-girlfriend.

Hence the pleading. Sam (unintentionally) was hearing a conversation that sounded eerily like some of the exchanges he’d heard between Josh and Mandy more than three years ago.

"I know, but-" Josh, pleading. Pause.

"Yes, Amy, I’m aware of that, and I just have to say-" Pause.

"Well, if you could meet me for lunch, we could talk about it." Pause.

"Yeah, I have a job too." Pause. "Yeah, I’m familiar with the concept." Pause. "Well, I had a meeting!" Pause.

"You’re right."

Pause.

"I’m sorry." Pause. "No, I know - Yes! I understand that!" Pause.

"Well, what about lunch tomorrow? I can move some stuff around." Pause.

"No, I told Donna-" Pause. "Oh, come on, we’re not having this conversation again." Pause.

"Fine. I’ll call you later. Goodb-"

Pause. Phone slamming down.

All in all, Sam thought, not good signs.

He was torn. Did he slink back to his office and pretend not to notice when Josh showed up in a couple hours in a bad mood? Or did he open his mouth and admit to eavesdropping?

Sam thought about the way Josh reacted when he told him about his dad. He thought about the time with Lisa. Then he thought about Josh sitting alone in his office stewing over a problem he thought he had brought on himself. With a sigh, Sam tapped on the office door and let himself in.

Josh was staring at the phone, and didn’t seem to notice Sam’s presence for a second.

"Hey."

"Oh, hey."

Sam decided to try the easy way.

"Something wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, no." Damn. "Just playing the waiting game. I hate it."

The edge in his voice said, "Leave me alone," but Sam was resolved.

"Josh," he said softly. Something in his tone made Josh look up. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

Josh stared at him for a second. "I don’t know what you mean."

"You do."

"Look, I don’t want to talk about it."

"Damn it, Josh, I don’t care," Sam said. "You’re going to, for once in your life, let me be a friend."

"Oh really," he smirked.

"She’s Mandy all over again," Sam said seriously.

The smirk slid from Josh’s face. "She’s not. It’s not like that."

"Yeah, it is," Sam said. "She treats you like crap. She makes you feel guilty for things you can’t control."

"Like what?" Josh demanded.

"Like having meetings in the middle of the day!" Sam exploded. "Like the number of women on the campaign staff! Like having an attractive assistant!"

"OK, you’re basing all this on a conversation that you wouldn’t even had heard if you hadn’t been, I don’t know, spying!"

"No, I’m basing it on years of watching you beat your self up until you can’t take it anymore, then enlisting a girl to do it for you. You torture yourself for a couple of months, then, when someone brings you to your senses or you accomplish something good, you get involved with someone who you know will make you feel like shit again."

"That’s ridiculous!"

"You’re right! It is! But you keep on doing it!" They were both on their feet now, Josh gripping the desk with white-knuckled hands, Sam standing combatively, hands on hips. "Why do you think that you don’t deserve to be happy?" Sam demanded.

Josh opened his mouth, looking for a response. He closed it. His shoulders slumped, his hands fell from the desk and he dropped back into his chair.

"Sam, I’m tired," he said sadly, and Sam heard the weariness in his voice and saw it in his face. Josh, who had always been able to maintain that boyish charm, suddenly looked each of his 40 years.

"Yeah," Sam said. "I know." He didn’t know what else to say. He turned to leave. "Let me know when you get those numbers."

"OK ... Sam?"

He turned. Josh was looking not at him but at the photos on his wall - his father, his sister, the staff, Sam, Donna.

"Sometimes we just can’t have what we want."

Sam paused, thinking. "Yeah," he said after a moment. "But sometimes we can."

Josh looked at him then. He opened his mouth to speak, but the phone rang.

Sam nodded at him, turned and walked out into the hall. As he headed back to tell Toby nothing, he heard, "Hey Man - Amy ... Yeah ... Tomorrow? ... No. I’m busy."

As he left the bullpen, Sam smiled.


End file.
